I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is wine microwaveable?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
