i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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