he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
