I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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