atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do herpes really smell.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
