ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
