sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
