her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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