We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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