Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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