Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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