I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The uberlube is also flammable
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
