wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
