u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
