I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
