my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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