Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize