walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
