dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize