from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
