i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
