Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
