those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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