I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
