it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
