No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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