My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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