when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
