Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
