peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
