FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
