$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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