Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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