Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
