my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
