Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
