Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
