Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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