The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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