Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
