I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
