I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
