dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
