I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
