Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize