you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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