I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
