Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
