I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
