i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
