summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
