She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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