i already hear my dad disowning me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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