I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
