I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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