btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
