I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
