She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
