The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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