Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
