and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sobbing to NWA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
