she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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