My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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