her vagine was all disorganized.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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