is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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