no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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