Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
