My hand turned me down
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
