Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
